As I sit here and graduation approaches I think….
Where am I going to be this time next year? Where is my mindset going to be? What struggles will I face? Who will be on my journey who was not there before and who flew with the winds?
This morning I woke up at 6am worried about my best friends and all of the trials and tribulations they face. I prayed for them and their families but most of all I prayed for myself to be the strength for them in their season of frailness.
At 7am the sun beams in my room against my disco ball …I open the blinds to allow the light to take me over and in this instant I realize how beautiful life is. Then I think of John Legend’s song “All of Me” but the version I was listening to was featuring violinist Lindsey Stirling. There is just something about an instrument singing that made my heart tremble. I broke down crying because I’m 22 and I realized, I’m BLESSED. The way my life is set up I can fail over and over again but I’ve met some of the greatest people and truest friends in college that I can lean on whenever I please. My Grandfather once told me, “If you can meet at least two good friends in life then you are blessed” and I must say God gives in abundance; when you ask you shall receive.
As the song plays and my mind goes everywhere, I realize that the sun makes everything look soo beautiful but there is much scrutiny placed on darkness. Is darkness bad? I beg to differ….the light allows one to see, whereas the darkness allows you to feel . That’s why when we kiss we close our eyes, because in that moment you seeing what’s in front of you doesn’t matter, it’s about how that person makes you feel in that instant, whether it’s a female or male. Not only is darkness beautiful but the rainy days is what makes the sunny days worth it…if there was no rain how could things grow and blossom? And just like our lives there will be rainy days but how will you take care of yourself? The family I used to nanny for once told me that the way a person takes care of their car and cleanliness of it tells a lot about a person. Me being young at the time I didn’t really understand it. But I’ve recently started really taking care of my car and spending more “me” time and I realized the way invest in my car is the way I invest in myself.
But after the car theory, I realized how beautiful I was despite what people have said in my past and even in my present. While in college my friend participated in a pageant called Miss Black and Gold hosted by the men of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Incorporated. She could not find anyone to help her and at the time we weren’t really friends, more of associates. I knew how to do hair, make-up and knew I was a great cheerleader, so I told her to look no longer, not knowing her from Adam or Eve, and I would be her pageant mom. I helped her study, helped her with her speech and calmed her down during times of doubt. Needless to say she won 3rd place, receiving the title Miss 1906. The next year flew by and she wanted me to participate in the pageant and I kept saying “NO,” I was not beautiful enough to participate in a pageant, I can’t walk in heels and I was pledging for Delta Phi Omega Sorority, Incorporated in the Fall so I didn’t have time to participate in her shenanigans. So once again time passed and I gained confidence in speech, spitting out facts and being intellectually confident whether I was right or wrong. Time continued to pass and here I am senior year and this same friend tried to recruit me to do the pageant and I gave her the same excuses of why I would not participate. I believed pageants were anti-feminist, placing women on a stage allowing men to see their bodies and judge an “outer” beauty that has been euro-centralized. And there was a bathing suit scene? Oh helllllll NOOOOOO, I am not participating in that.